ROW80 – 2022 – Round 3 – Check-in 10 (September, 11th 2022)

Hi everyone! 

Note: To keep posts short, I’ve made a Trello board with my goals for the year. Feel free to check it out if you want to know more about the bigger plan.

My word for the week is MOVING ON.

I’ve realized the man I was in love with has not been real for a while. He’s changed, and I don’t know if if it’s some sort of early mid-life crisis or if that’s the person he wants to be, but that’s definitely who I decided to have children with.

Of course, that’s disappointing but the good news is that it’s helping me getting closure to some extent. Too bad the roller-coaster of emotions didn’t stop along…

As for the housing situation, I’ve talked to my daughters and explained I’ve realized it would be impossible for me to keep the house on a freelancer income, especially with business as it is right now.

So I’ve made a request for a social lodging and I’ll also try and visit potential homes with our real estate agency and see if I can find something suitable within my budget on a freelancer’s income.

Now for my goals, though some of them seem a bit unrealistic too.

I realized I only had one goal from last month that I wanted to try and complete so I incorporated in the September goals to have only one list (that’s the Level A2-2 online course and it complements my studies pretty well so at least I’ll try). But then, the course expired and when you re-register, your progress just disappears, so I’ll be dropping this on focusing on my BA course only.

I seriously doubt I’ll be volunteering right now but I’ll keep that goal there just in case. The fact that the team right now is 2 people including me and that we both have to grieve at the moment makes it a big question mark.

Unfortunately, I can hardly picture myself writing anything either right now, but I can only hope the will to do so will come back sooner than later.

The thing is, I realize every day I’m getting a tiny bit better but it’s still pretty hard and recovery takes too much time. I’d just like to be able to feel a certain amount of genuine joy again.

I do try to spend quality time with my daughters as I can but since they’re still pretty young, that can be draining too.

And for now, I just wish I could sleep better and stop waking up feeling anxious and teary. The again, it’s a little better every day and I know where to turn if necessary, but when you wake up around 4 or 5, that’s too much time to ruminate.

To end on a more positive touch, I’m taking care of all my other relationships, especially close friends, and I’m even making new connections with people living closer to home.