Note: To keep posts short, I’ve made a Trello board with my goals for the year. Feel free to check it out if you want to know more about the bigger plan.
My word for the week is RECONNECTING.
Connections have always mattered a lot to me and ever since my future-ex-husband gave me the shock of ending the one between us, I’ve tried to maintain existing bonds, make new connections and even reconnect with a couple of old friends.
But obviously reconnecting with my estranged parents has been the most healing part of it all. All through the weeks, their kind and loving words have been a balm on lots of emotional wounds.
I’m even spending most of the weekend at my mom’s (who has no internet! Thankfully, I switched to an unlimited data plan this month and can use my phone as a hotspot. ^^)
The trickiest moment was coming out, because back in the days, I had told only my siblings I was bi, and that’s mostly because I knew my parents were homophobic. Like many other bi people in my situation, I hid behind the fact there was no point hurting them unless I was in a serious same-sex relationship, but I can’t go back into the closet now that I’m 40.
Not that I expect to get into any sort of relationship anytime soon, if ever (not exactly a goal in life, even getting married and having children kinda just happened with the flow, definitely not according to plan), so hopefully they should have time to adjust before having to face it live.
Anyway, my dad unsurprisingly started speaking about gay marriage and I just couldn’t let him go on without disclosing I was bi. His reaction was denial, my mum’s silence, and then they deflected and we changed the subject but I did have time to explain I might end up with a woman at some point, so they know and that’s all that really matters. After years of not seeing them, I know I don’t need their approval as long as they love me, and I understand deflecting was their way of avoiding any disruption in the reunion.
This weekend, I was alone with them. Next step is the girls. Of course, both sides are eager to meet but I wanted to clear the air before bringing my 6- and 5-year-olds into the equation. So maybe next weekend.
That being said, tomorrow is Halloween and the girls are very excited. L will go to a friend’s party in the afternoon and I know there might be some trick-or-treating as a surprise if the weather’s not too bad.
Then their father and his sister are taking them to a Halloween party in the evening too, which means a quiet evening for me, which is perfect before the start of a new month.
Which reminds me I need to set goals for November too, so let’s do this! And since I had some time off on Friday afternoon, I even completed a couple of easy goals ahead.
I probably could have worked on Rotten, the only goal this month that’s neither a PASS or ON HOLD, but I tend to let the revising deadlines for each stories stack until I just do all the late ones in a row, for some reason. As there’s some flash fiction inside, I guess it’s become easier to open the document when it’s worth my time rather than to revise a very short text every other week.
And even if I do intend to wrap this up this year, I know I won’t be publishing next year around Halloween as was my original plan, since everything is changing in my life and I don’t even know where I’ll be living next October.
Apart from that, a good month, and since I passed my mid-terms, I’ll be studying as hard as ever for the rest of the year. Thankfully, the next level is only half time, so once I get this level 2, I can pace myself on the studies and make my way to the BA with less stress than this term.